Once thrown into the thick of the autism world, it was very similar to feeling like you’re in hell week for some greek life initiation. Kidnapped, blindfolded, and taken to someplace that feels like it’s across the world. When the blindfold is removed and the kidnappers flee, you have this feeling that you’re somewhere extremely remote, far away from anything you are familiar with, but also have a sense that you’re also very close to the world you know. As the end of all of those teen movies with this kind of scenario, you always make it back. If you’re alone you may take longer or shorter to get there compared to your peers both past and present. If you’re with the rest of the initiation crew, you notice all the different emotions a human can experience in moments of fear, confusion, and loneliness and you never know which is the “correct” emotion to feel in that moment. Should you be afraid? Should you be confused? Should you be optimistic? Should you tell your peers that you’re afraid or do you act brave for them?
I remember when I was applying to PA School, one of the applications had a number of essay questions to answer. One question was if you’re stranded in a cabin with 5 people, what challenges do you expect to encounter and how would you handle them? I remember immediately thinking of Lord of the Flies but of course did not write that in my answer. I remember discussing the importance of how in times of extreme stress in a group with no external resources available, making sure there’s an identity of roles within the group, solid communication, and frequent check-ins to ensure everyone stays cool, calm, and collected.
The first time I went to get my MBA (I stopped in the middle of the second semester, online-only schooling was not for me), I remember a project where there was a group of 6 who are enrolled in a virtual reality to climb Mount Everest and there are a limited number of supplies available to us and we all had assigned roles. The goal was to make it to the top without any fatalities.
I never thought of myself as a leader. My boss and some of my colleagues may beg to differ on this statement because yes I was a leader for a short time in my career but that was very much a leader within a group of leaders. We all had strengths and weaknesses and worked beautifully together to get things done as seamless as possible.
As I digress with these little anecdotes, it seems some major steps in my life were attempts at preparing me to lead the pack of my home. “Home manager” should probably be my actual professional title. You’ve heard the phrase it’s lonely at the top? Often times it’s also lonely within. I have enormous support from my husband and my closest family members which is leaps and bounds from what others can say, but that lonely feeling still remains a constant, though sometimes less intense than others.
What really strikes me at my soul is this “road less travelled”, or so it seems, is actually a very beaten down path. There’s no fancy pavers, or railings, and there’s no map or directory to guide you on which way you should go to see what attraction, but it’s very much travelled. People know it exists but anyone who goes this way doesn’t seem to talk much about their experience. You might find a note here and there of travelers’ past but it’s all in pieces and hard to follow. Almost like the author themselves hardly knew what they were trying to write. It’s also difficult to determine if these notes are from the leader of the group, the sherpa, or maybe the one who died of altitude sickness because they did not bring proper supplies.
My hope with this blog is to bring not only the oversaturated term “awareness” about autism to the world, but to EMPOWER those in this community, both the first track members, primary supporters, and everyone in the surrounding lines. You CAN make a difference, we are ALL a part of the team, and we each have an important role for ourselves, our children, and our fellow teammates.
